Sunday, February 9, 2014

For the love of Cupcakes

Blah Blah Blah, same story: Been so long since i wrote anything. But I swear that i do think all the time!!! It's just the putting it out there part and my lack of follow through. I am the idea girl. Thats IT!
So here it is then. Death. I have been recently grieving the death of my dear dear friend. Just a simple woman with an incredible mind and ability to warm my  heart yet piss me off all over the course of a Grande Latte. She was so very talented in ways that most all other people I have met are lacking. She was an idea girl! She died very alone. She came from such a big family, yet had no children and hardly a spouse and was just Alone. How does that happen to someone? Side note: it takes a village, we can not be anyones universe, that is what God is for. My heart continues to ache for her in this particular way:

It is like she never existed.

Which isn't that the human way, and isn't that what all the "green" folk are pushing for? No footprint?
How can we make a foot print, yet not leave one? This woman, I suppose,  did not...except on me..maybe a few more. But I will not share her life or her stories with my children or grandchildren as I don't know them very well and she was not integrated into their lives in a way that you would think healthy.  I suppose I will cherish her for myself which seems incredible selfish and the exact opposite of Gods message in salvation and eternal life....but I just cant get past the point. Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust.

Which brings me to:
Fucking Winter.

That is right....Winter, which means we have spent the past 3 weeks heavily on the couch, in a bed, eating wafers, drinking Pedialyte (probably contains GMO"s). It is the season for unhealth. However, it is these bare moments that my footprint is being created...with my children, with my husband, my neighbor, my parents. Life lessons that will be spread like the little germs my kids are spreading now. I have no desire to change the world in a Grand way. I do desire to impact people in my path for good. So that when I die those lessons and stories are passed on and my time here doesn't die when I die. I suppose my perspective is changing even as I type...perhaps my dear friend had it right all along.

I just want to exist! 

Just as your children are a mirror of yourself, I reflect that Death is the same. Such a character building experience, unless of course, you are dead.  So while many of my frilly readers will have a hard time with this post, all of us will Pass! #JanetJackson What have you done for me Lately? I hope I can do more with a happy heart and a legacy. 

RIP Sally Roberts Mayer