Sunday, December 6, 2015

History Lesson DIY

I have always really loathed History. Even though some is kind of cool, it has bored me quickly. I have faked enthusiasm for my dear Grand-dad's stories and not learned a thing. I cannot remember important dates in my own history let alone in our great country. I, until this year, have gladly brushed this under my neatly swept pottery barn rug. Because who really needs to know what date WWII began or ended on and Where or Why, to get through life anyway. 

Now I have had some wonderful and brilliant teachers in my educational career. It is not their fault I have fell short in this area. I honestly do not even know where or when my distastes began. I really thought I would feel this way in regards to history for my entire earthly existence, and that was totally fine by me. 

However, nine years ago God gave me this son. He has changed my life in ways that seriously only God could explain. He has stretched not only my stomach to the point of no return but also my mind.  It took me a good 2 years to even realize what I was in for, another 2 years to harness this power for good. But the past 4 years the ride has been wild, fun, fast, furious but also extremely insightful and totally delightful. His modo, What is the point of fun if you learn nothing?

This most recent turn of events in which I have to remind myself to NEVER say NEVER! Like EVER! has been such a humble realization for me. This boy LOVES his history. I have willingly jumped in with all my clothes on and the water is cold!  I should have seen it coming. The non-fiction books, the refusal to entertain anything that was not truth, fact, proven, researched and written down, the disbelief in things of utter nonsense. Here I was trying to prolong the tooth fairy, the Santa, The freaking Elf, the Disney Darth Vader Magic. And there he was saying, "you realize that these things are not documented as proven people with dates in history nor have they had any impact on our world or country in the way of forward thinking" Doh! 

So I started paying attention. I started to listen,  to read with him, and God opened my eyes to what a rich and ridiculously cool history we have. As a family, as a nation, as a Universe, the path we have traveled to arrive at this current footprint is fascinating.  

So sorry professor so and so, but this 9 year old has got you beat when it comes to lesson! I have learned more in the past year than perhaps my entire 16 years in the institution. I remember speaking to his soon to be 3rd grade teacher at the end of last year and asking what the big research project would be on. Her response of American History received an eye roll and “ugh, boring” from me the MOM! Well goodness, I am sorry and boy has my tuned changed! I am so looking forward to seeing what J and his classmates teach me! Also, a huge apology to my Grand-dad, I knew those stories where so important and while I loved your sarcasm and the morals you eventually taught with them, I really wish I would have paid attention to the dates, the actual history of your activities. Perhaps we can discuss this when I meet up with you again. I know Jonah is looking forward to sitting down with you and hashing out the facts.

So, when my boy tells me that he is intent on being the one to win the Veterans day poetry read and speak at the assembly, I obviously believe him and have zero doubt of his success.  But time had gone on, and just today I started to panic that I would be picking up the pieces of his broken heart once the winner was reading their poem come Friday.  After his research and enthusiasm to learn more about our countries Vets and Branches of service…he would be crushed for sure.  But then I got this email. From the very woman who received my eye roll and boring comment last year. “Jonah is the K-3rd winner for Veterans day Poetry”

I cried. Also, I smiled. I am humbled by this man.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Death of Summer

I have only been a part of a few deaths, but they have all followed similar protocol. They have started abruptly, strung out for seeming eternity, then ended peacefully yet with deep deep sorrow that no matter the preparation I was not ready. The shock is always the easiest for me to overcome because i want to get in and be helpful and useful and forward moving. I have only been in the loop of carrying the burden of recovery a couple of times, but i have witnessed several loved ones do it. It is a heavy heavy load that is carried with ease, joyful heart, sorrowful forgiveness and exhausting supplies of God's energy and adrenaline.  The close relationships of family and friends that are in place only become stronger and the peripheral gets pushed even further.  The death almost seems a relief to those care giving and those suffering, except it is NOT. It is deep pain and sadness. Did you do enough, did you love hard, did you forgive, did you laugh, did you create a bond that will last eternity? 
This is summer for me every. damn. year. 

Summer comes like a bucket of cold water at 6am. Fast, hard and way too early for my personality type.  So of course I am up and running and have the world as our oyster before the first espresso has been polished off.  Adventures abound, so much to see, so much to do now that we are the masters of our own schedule. Come mid summer we have given ourselves enough fun hangover days that we have settled into the frat life. Breakfast at 10, lunch at 3, maybe we get dressed and live it up until midnight..or maybe we never shower until Thursday...pool counts right?  This is the sweet spot of summer. I could live here forever. But there is always that nagging thing around the corner that keeps us from lingering too long. It is like a persistent rash. #school 
And now here we sit with rice on our tux and only one week left of summer. 
Dream Paralysis, Panic, Frustration, Sadness. 
Did I do enough? Did we laugh, did we see? Did we sing, dance, love? Did we strengthen our shell to withstand another 9 months of arrows being shot at our armor? Did we build enough? 
my heart is heavy. another year of enthusiasm to summon up. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Banana Camry

I have been depressed. In a funk. Lost my MOJO. 
Not the straight jacket off her meds kind of depressed, but instead more the Bobby finds the tiki idol and then buries it again for the next family to find when they visit the island on their dream Sandals Vacation type.  So I knew it would pass, but Man...While i was in it, the days drug on, the weeks seemed very stressful and i slept NONE. Finding your mojo after you've lost it on the sandy beaches of Oahu can seem impossible and I was letting myself become overwhelmed and lost in my childrens' vocabulary words all too easily. The humdrum of daily routine, the melancholy mornings. The doppio esspresso was even failing me.  Seeing Kanye all crouched down and watching people sing I assume he felt the same as I did, ducking from the hubbub, listening to the tumult but not hearing his name. I needed to shake things up BADly, but how. "Will I ever laugh again?" Thinking surly the answer would be no! But then just like that, I saw Mojo. I mean it was unmistakable and blatantly displayed for me to pick up and carry on. And so I did.  Finding that thing has brought a smile so needed and the sun feels like it is shinning once again.  So I am sure you are now dying to know where my mojo was....Oh, you know. It was in the kayak, shoved in this guys Camry driving down the street. I totally forgot i put it there. Thank You (insert Jimmy Fallon music) Banana Camry, for returning my zeal for life today. Watching as it drove past me top speed on the way to who knows where since there are NO oceans around. But the joy you have brought will carry me through. You knew exactly what it would take...but seriously, what a sense of humor. Good call, God. Good call. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

the sweet tale of How Lice gave me a Tumor

Our life has been that of a dark Willy Wonka short.
The real trenches of regular life I suppose.
However, I am climbing back out on the other side, White flag still tucked firmly in my pocket.
God is good and has carried us through as He always does..but man did I realize just how much weight i needed to put on Him this past month.

Because I have very little time to waste, and also just because I can and have NO teacher breathing MLA format down my neck. I report to you in my normal list fashion, the events of the Cain Train over the past month.

1. My niece, Everly Charlotte was born and is to die for in cuteness and personality.

2. My grandmother past away and is now remembering everything she had forgotten over the last 10 years and then some. Thank you Jesus.

3. We got lice. We got rid of lice. Not to go all Martha Stewart prison on you...but if you get lice...I am the girl to talk to. I can get that shit under control in 24 hours, I have yet to sleep but we are lice free.

4. We had a most spectacular family and friend vacation to Disneyland, an annual tradition with a twist, as this year the kids got to do the Halloween scene. Costumes, Candy, HUGE Disney Hangover.

5. While at the Magic Kingdom, Gwen fell and hurt her ankle for the 3rd time in the past 18mths. She enjoyed the wheelchair for the entire disney vacation but was rather fed up by the time the following week rolled around and she still could not walk.

6. We took her to urgent care, she had a sprained ankle. But at that time, they also found a TUMOR in her bone.

7. I fell apart at the seams. Yep, COULD NOT HOLD IT TOGETHER. MOM has CRACKED UNDER THE pressure. I AM NOT IN CONTROL. Total FREAK OUT MOMENT. Don't worry I was very calm in front of the children as Mary Poppins would advise.

8. Here we are 3 weeks later, the tumor is benign, her ankle if finally getting better, and she was able to ride her horse for the first time in a long time today. So thankful for the friends, doctors, science, teachers, overall amazing people in our lives. Seriously.

9. I am NOT holding my breath for what is next

10. Surely God has prepared us.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Path of Life Psalm 16:11

I know this woman, she plays music with the Angels. 

I met her years ago, she was inspired to play the harp and told me she wanted to use it as therapy. To be able to play for people as they set on their path, whether recovery, discovery or even death.  I have heard her play so often that I take if for granted. But the sound is truly that of Peace and Clarity. I asked her once what her goal was, pursuing music for her life work? She said that she wanted to play people into Heaven.

Today my sister played for my Grandmother on her Path into Heaven. 
A reflection of admirable women indeed. Good Night Grandmother, Good Night. 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Check Mate

The Dude hardly gets any air time. I mean it is always the girls with the cute look or the dress up reenactment of Elsa freezing Anna. They get all the posts and the blogs and the hashtags.  The boy refuses to be caught dead doing anything remotely absurd. He is business. He is the hard core facts. He is a perfectionist. He will not be beaten at any game. He will succeed and surpass despite what skeptics believe. So hold on to your selfies...the Blog is for the BOY!

I am ridiculously happy and proud of my son.  Jonah has spent a year being in between. He is in a wonderful class with an encouraging teacher. He has been improving his skills as a student (easier said than done when you are a boy with a mighty brain). He has been gaining self confidence and letting God guide his path. All of these good good things in his life, yet such an unsettled year and uneasy place for him. He has been waiting, watching, wishing. He aches from that feeling of "not quite there yet but no where else to go". So we have been anxiously awaiting some placement and test results that will give us more choices for him. As a family we decided to move all the children to the same school for 2014-15. Regardless of the education program, they would be housed in one location. Good, but not complete. Jonah really needs something more specialized.

Today, unexpectedly and earlier than anticipated, we got Jonah's test results.  I can NOT stop smiling ear to ear, as he has qualified for the Renaissance program at his new school. All of a sudden a huge weight lifted from his frame, he knows in his soul that his immediate future looks very bright. He may be living in the moment very soon, no longer waiting and wishing. And as his parent, the weight is even loftier. I am lighter than air today.  Seems so simple when you put it out there. But for a boy who has built the Hindenburg out of a party city balloon and some construction paper, and built the Statue of Liberty out of Legos......the fact of creating your day and living that creation will be so much healthier for him. So hard to put into words.

Last year I was equally as excited for his sister to have the opportunity in this same program, this chance for Jonah is different. For him it means life, learning for him is like breathing air.
So here it is, since i am the owner of this Blog o Rama and I can say what I want, and it was your choice to read it anyway #toomuchtimeonyourhands:

My son, is wickedly smart, Godly wise and ridiculously genuine. I promise you he will NOT fail, but instead blow your mind with his success..and Yes i am bragging, and promise to humbly move on but for this one time.....I must say it! I am SOOOOO Happy. (insert Pharrell Williams)
To celebrate this wonderful news, we ate cake pops from Starbucks and he beat me in a game of Checkers....That is right, I can NO longer win! Not even a chance. side note, i refuse to play chess with him, i have some dignity that needs to remain in tact.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

For the love of Cupcakes

Blah Blah Blah, same story: Been so long since i wrote anything. But I swear that i do think all the time!!! It's just the putting it out there part and my lack of follow through. I am the idea girl. Thats IT!
So here it is then. Death. I have been recently grieving the death of my dear dear friend. Just a simple woman with an incredible mind and ability to warm my  heart yet piss me off all over the course of a Grande Latte. She was so very talented in ways that most all other people I have met are lacking. She was an idea girl! She died very alone. She came from such a big family, yet had no children and hardly a spouse and was just Alone. How does that happen to someone? Side note: it takes a village, we can not be anyones universe, that is what God is for. My heart continues to ache for her in this particular way:

It is like she never existed.

Which isn't that the human way, and isn't that what all the "green" folk are pushing for? No footprint?
How can we make a foot print, yet not leave one? This woman, I suppose,  did not...except on me..maybe a few more. But I will not share her life or her stories with my children or grandchildren as I don't know them very well and she was not integrated into their lives in a way that you would think healthy.  I suppose I will cherish her for myself which seems incredible selfish and the exact opposite of Gods message in salvation and eternal life....but I just cant get past the point. Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust.

Which brings me to:
Fucking Winter.

That is right....Winter, which means we have spent the past 3 weeks heavily on the couch, in a bed, eating wafers, drinking Pedialyte (probably contains GMO"s). It is the season for unhealth. However, it is these bare moments that my footprint is being created...with my children, with my husband, my neighbor, my parents. Life lessons that will be spread like the little germs my kids are spreading now. I have no desire to change the world in a Grand way. I do desire to impact people in my path for good. So that when I die those lessons and stories are passed on and my time here doesn't die when I die. I suppose my perspective is changing even as I type...perhaps my dear friend had it right all along.

I just want to exist! 

Just as your children are a mirror of yourself, I reflect that Death is the same. Such a character building experience, unless of course, you are dead.  So while many of my frilly readers will have a hard time with this post, all of us will Pass! #JanetJackson What have you done for me Lately? I hope I can do more with a happy heart and a legacy. 

RIP Sally Roberts Mayer